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THE MARRIAGE SECRET THAT KATHY AND I USE EVERYDAY

Kris Vallotton
October 16, 2020
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LOSE YOUR LIFE

Do you know what it means to lay down your life in your marriage? For many of you reading this, that may be easy to answer, but I bet it’s not always easy to practice. Many marriages end because it’s a whole lot easier to live for yourself than it is to sacrifice anything for the sake of another. Only, the problem with living for yourself is that you will never truly find life until you give it away. Recorded in the gospels, Jesus said, “He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” How many of you know when we find someone, not something, to die for, we gain the life and love we so desperately desire. 

 NOT AN ACCIDENT

I’ve been married to the woman of my dreams for 45 years, and we’ve been together for 50 years total. People often ask me how Kathy & I have stayed together for so long. I’ll tell you our secret: we know when to sacrifice pleasure for the pursuit of joy—this is the discipline of laying down your life for another. 
 
A practical example of this is when people find out we have horses. They say, “Oh wow, Kris, you have horses!” My response to them goes something like this, “No, I don’t have horses. Kathy has horses. I only pay for the horses.” Their next question for me usually is, “Don’t you like horses?” To which I respond, “No, I don’t like horses, but I like Kathy.” You see, I get a lot of joy out of doing what Kathy wants to do. I am willing to sacrifice my own pleasure to pursue what develops joy in our marriage. It’s not one-sided, Kathy does the same for me. Joy in marriage doesn’t happen by accident, it’s developed on purpose by those who have learned how to lay down their life for the other. It’s true that when you trade pleasure for joy it can sometimes be challenging, but with that exchange, you’ll gain life with the one you love that’s rich and abundant. I go in depth on laying down your life for those you love in this sermon clip I pulled for you. Check it out save if you want to save your spouse or your future husband or wife a load of pressure and anxiety. 
 


 ACTIVATE JOY TODAY


Many marriages and relationships are suffering right now due to the prolonged effects of this pandemic. Patience is wearing thin and ironically, even though we are spending considerably more time together than ever before, our loved ones can still experience surmounting loneliness. With that being said, what would it be like if all of us, every day, made an effort to lay down our lives so that someone else could experience life? What if we stopped chasing the pleasure we could get out of our relationships and started pursuing the joy we could have in them? 

I want to issue a challenge to you this week: Love someone without selfish ambition. In other words, look for ways to give without getting in return. If you’re married then I’d start with your spouse. If you’re single, then take a look at your relationships with your closest friends and family. No matter what’s going on around us, we can experience the bliss of joy that lies in laying your life down for those you love. 

I'd love to hear your testimonies of losing your life to find it and I'd also love to hear how this week’s challenge made a difference in your relationships, so share them with me in the comments below! 

In case you missed it: I’m celebrating the pre-release of my new book Spiritual Intelligence by giving those who pre-order their copy before October 19th a free registration to my three-day Spiritual Intelligence Digital Summit. In this summit you’ll develop in the art of solving problems with God in real-time. You’ll walk away with new mindsets and tools to access the life-transforming ways of thinking like God to approach your life with hope, wisdom, and clarity. I hope you’ll join me. Get your SQ Summit Registration here.

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Gen Z, labeled as the seemingly lost generation to Christianity, and Gen Alpha, the digital natives immersed in screens, stand at the crossroads of an era defined by the rapid evolution of technology. As they navigate the evolving landscape of identity, both personal and global, a crucial question reverberates: "Has the Church lost this next generation?"
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