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WHY SHAME MIGHT BE THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM
Kris Vallotton
October 11, 2022
CONFRONTING SCARY SHAME
You cannot conquer what you are not willing to confront! Our own pure desire for freedom from the devil will not be defeated in retreat, it will only be dethroned if we are willing to press in and destroy the works of the enemy. Yet, often, on the contrary, the very things that have unrightfully taken a seat in our lives cause us to spiral into a swirl of shame and self-pity and begin telling us we cannot live without them. From addiction, and dysfunctional relationships, to anger and rage we become a slave to the laws they bind our souls to. But, the truth is we were never meant to live in isolation, passivity, and pain - we were designed for a life of freedom in Jesus Christ. Nothing good grows in the darkness of sin.
I recently sat down for a conversation with Aaron Zint, who is the leader of the Whole Man Project at Bethel Church. He recently wrote a book, Numb to Known, about his journey of overcoming an addiction to pornography. With great insight, Aaron shared about his journey of discovering how pornography was a damaging solution for pain, isolation, and passivity in his life. After many years of walking the journey to freedom in his own life, he also now leads men into freedom as they discover other beneficial solutions for pain, isolation, and passivity in their life.
NUMB TO KNOWN
So often we build a life based on the belief that if people knew what we were struggling with we would be alienated and isolated, but this is the deceptive tactic of the enemy. Because on the other side of vulnerability lies connection and community. While we were talking Aaron quoted, The Journey Out by Ken Williams: “You can’t know unconditional love until someone knows the condition you are in.” This is so true; so often our biggest fears remain our biggest threats because we stay trapped in the tumbleweeds of shame and avoidance.
The ultimate way to conquer shame comes through our willingness to be vulnerable.
Being open with our emotions and our needs requires risk, but vulnerability is the healing salve for a life of fulfilling connection. The apostle Paul wrote, “We were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:8). Paul was willing to let his friends see the real him in every facet (emotional exposure as well as his failures and his successes).
If we desire healthy, whole, connection in our lives then we must live open-hearted lives, without shame, and we must be relentless to rebuild connection with God, ourselves, and others where shame has attempted to destroy it.
Whether you’re isolating yourself from connection with others or you are struggling to connect with those who may be trapped in the snare of shame, I want to encourage you that being vulnerable (confessing your sins with one another and living your lives openly) is the courageous step that needs to be taken to not only overcome shame but to regain connection in your relationships.
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Gen Z, labeled as the seemingly lost generation to Christianity, and Gen Alpha, the digital natives immersed in screens, stand at the crossroads of an era defined by the rapid evolution of technology. As they navigate the evolving landscape of identity, both personal and global, a crucial question reverberates: "Has the Church lost this next generation?"
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